For Trish and Lee, fostering wasn’t just an idea—it was something they’d always talked about and a natural step after their own children grew up. We sat down with Trish to hear about their fostering journey and how two brothers turned their world upside down.
“My story started from when I was really young,” says Trish. “I always wanted to be a mum and at 18 years old, I had my first child,” she continues. “Before my son arrived, I was a bit of a wild child. Although I had no family support, becoming a parent grounded me and ignited a passion within me to be around children.
“I started working with children through my son’s school and I loved being around children and seeing them develop. I continued to work with children throughout my career; I’ve been a maternity nurse, a childminder and a nanny. These roles required me to wear many different hats, and they all involved caring for children and supporting parents.
“My husband Lee’s Mum was adopted, so we talked a lot about adoption and fostering over the years. It really sparked something in both of us—we felt we could offer children in need a loving, stable home.
“We started to explore fostering because we felt we could really make a positive impact on young people’s lives. But then our daughter arrived, and she was poorly so we decided to wait until our children were grown and we’d have more time to offer foster children.”
A nudge in the right direction
“Our first experience of fostering was when my niece came to live with us when she was made homeless at 16 years old. I helped her get into sixth form and got her CAMS appointments. She’s now living independently and thriving.
“It felt like we were being nudged in the right direction. It re-ignited the desire to care for children and young people and after she’d moved on, we realised we’d already been fostering. I said to Lee ‘This is what we said we would do years ago!’
“Shortly after, we entered lock down and I had a sense of like panic worrying about who was looking after all these children that were not getting proper love and care. So, I said to Lee ‘Should we foster?’ and Lee said, ‘Yeah, why not?’
“It was just like that. That’s how we started our fostering journey.
“Initially we were keen to help babies, but our assessing social worker saw something in us and thought we’d be great for all ages. We started off with little ones, because of space, my son was still at home, then he met his girlfriend and moved out.
“That freed up the bedrooms and we started to have older siblings. We’ve now fostered seven children from 4 days old to 17 years old.”
Turning our world upside down
“We were short term foster carers until recently when two children turned our world upside down and back to front.
“When making some big decisions about their future we decided with our social worker and child social worker that these children didn’t need any more upset in their lives and were happy and settled with us, so now we’re their long-term carers!
“They make us laugh, cry, worry, happy, proud and tired all in the same day – there is no other rollercoaster in the world we would rather be on! We’re on this journey with them riding through all the bumps side-by-side together.”
Taking it a day at a time
“It’s been so rewarding to see the impact we’ve had on them. They came to us so traumatized and dysregulated we didn’t know if we’d be able to, but we wanted to give it a go. We’re taking it a day at a time, but there is now so much positivity around them, it keeps us going.
“We work hard at building consistency and routines. Lee and I do things different sometimes, but we always chat about how we’re going to do things. We take on different roles and it works because the boys are getting the whole package.
“We go to football, we go swimming, we have adventures and it’s fun.
“There are times where we have really hold them and just make sure they feel safe, but now they’ve been with us we all know each other, it’s much calmer and we feel like just a normal family.
“They’re always going to have those traumas brought up in their lives, but they know that we’re here with them to help them with that journey and we’re not going anywhere. They know we’re still here; we pick them up from school and provide the security they need.
“We talk about their family, and we buy things for Mum because that’s important to them, a part of who they are and their sense of identity.
“I think one of my strengths is that I can put myself in some situations and understand. We just want to help young children and families to live a life and feel stable safe and secure in a loving environment. We embrace the fact that doesn’t have to be a blood related family!“
Every goodbye is a new hello
“We are close to the children who have flown our fostering nest. We’ve got pictures of all the children we fostered on our wall and I’m godparent to one of them.
“We have to remind ourselves that hopefully we have made such a difference in children’s lives that they will carry a piece of our hearts with them forever. Lee says, “Every goodbye is a new hello.” It has been emotional to say goodbye but it’s only goodbye – for now- because our door will always be open to our extended foster families.
“I try and keep in touch with all of them and stay updated on how they’re doing. They do take a piece of your heart with them when they go and each time, it’s difficult.
“But we love what we do.
“We always reassess ourselves sometimes and go, ‘Are you still okay with this? Is this all going all right?’ And we both say, ‘Yes!’ We can’t think of anything else we want to do. We love having the children and just want them to be happy.”
Open your home to love
“People say to me ‘I think it’s great what you’re doing, it takes a very special person. I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t say goodbye.’
“And I’m like, ‘If you feel like that, then you should be doing it because it shows you care. If I needed someone to look after my children, I would want it to be the person that couldn’t say goodbye and wanted them in their lives. That’s what builds the village, isn’t it?
“If you’ve got a spare room, time and can open your home to love, then do it. Go along to the meetings, do your homework, speak to other foster carers – speak to me – go for it.
“I’ve spoken to a few people, and they started their journey’s. When they say ‘It’s because of you, we made our minds up and started our fostering journey.’ That’s a proud moment.”
Meet Trish
Trish is supporting our next Find out about Fostering event. Come and meet her at our Fostering Information Evening at 6.30pm on Wednesday 10 June, The Centre Longwell Green.
